


Secret Longings

by bluemermaid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adultery, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, First War with Voldemort, Flirting, Infidelity, Ministry Party, Snogging, Wall Snogging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemermaid/pseuds/bluemermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Narcissa was a tidal wave, a shocking mix of steeled cold and flushed heat, a force of nature pouring itself over Lily's fire, extinguishing the ferocity of her flame, the power of her dominance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Longings

Lily Evans was used to being in charge. She'd been the dominant party in every close relationship she'd ever had – with Petunia, Severus, Mary, Alice, and the Marauders. Lily made her will known, and everyone else made it happen. She didn't do it on purpose, usually; it was just her nature to be listened to, to be doted on. She was a fire, a source of light that others flocked to for her warmth. Lily enjoyed it, of course, but with a certain naivety that came from never knowing anything else. It was just the way things were. It even worked with authority figures, for her parents had always spoiled her, and her Professors adored her, especially Professor Slughorn. Yes, everyone bowed to Lily; everyone important, anyway. Everyone, that is, except for Narcissa.

Narcissa Black made Lily feel utterly stupid, like a stranger wearing Lily's clothes. One glance from Narcissa, and Lily felt like she'd been doused with ice water. She felt awkward and fumbling, and somehow compelled to follow and obey. Lily imagined it must be the way James felt about her, his future wife. She didn't like the feeling. Or rather, she savored it at the time, while Narcissa was looking at her and speaking to her and touching her. But Lily always ended up hating herself once Narcissa had gone.

It wasn't right, to feel these odd things, especially for a person like Narcissa Black, who was a cruel Slytherin, a possible Death Eater, and a woman. But there was something else about her, some aura of sensual power, something so much more powerful than Lily's own, innocent sort of dominance. Lily was forced to bend to it, however much she hated herself for it later.

Lily could feel it already, standing across the room, nursing a drink as she watched Narcissa make her rounds. Narcissa was elegant and graceful, smiling and placing her hand upon the shoulders of the important. She was rising in the ranks, socially, and Lily hated it, hated that she could see Narcissa's devious plan and still be attracted to her anyway.

"Hey, Lily! Have a look." James could be quite endearing most of the time, not least when he called to her with that child-like excitement in his tone. If they had been alone, or with the Marauders, Lily would have smiled and laughed and kissed James on the cheek as she watched whatever magical accomplishment he'd managed this time. But now, in the grand, open lushness of the hall, with all the well-dressed and well-known people (and Narcissa) watching her, Lily found herself flushing with embarrassment at the sound of her fiance's voice. "Sirius has just done the most amazing thing, honestly."

"James," Lily said tightly, placing a hand on his arm and squeezing hard, as though she could instill maturity through touch alone. "Not now."

His face fell. "But, Lily."

"We're at a Ministry function," Lily stressed, holding him still tighter. "Please try to behave. We need these people, remember?" She lowered her voice. "They're vital to the war effort."

"Well, I know that, Lils," and he sounded hurt. "I was just saying –."

"Not now," she said again, and moved away from him, reluctantly releasing her grip. "Go make nice with some officials or something. I'll be doing the same over here." She gestured loosely at the opposite end of the hall and walked off, staring down into her glass and already starting to feel miserable. She loved James, but he could be such a handful sometimes.

"Men can be so irritating, can't they?" Narcissa sounded completely bored, and yet her eyes shone in the bright lights hovering above them, and Lily squirmed nervously under her penetrating stare. "I'd almost think we shouldn't need them at all, don't you think?" She smiled, a feral grin. "A pity they find themselves to be so necessary to our daily function."

"Hello, Narcissa," Lily said guardedly, clutching her drink and trying to avoid meeting Narcissa's gaze. She felt hot in her dress, the green silk clinging to her skin in places both innocent and strange. "How are you?"

Narcissa stared at her, her lips slightly pursed as an arrogant smile played at her features. "I find myself very well, actually. And how are you this evening, Lily?" The name danced off her tongue.

"Fine," Lily replied, her eyes drawn to Narcissa despite herself, tracing the soft curves of her shoulders, breasts, and hips. She'd never found cause to study another woman so closely before; it made her mouth dry and her palms sweat.

"Oh, do you not enjoy these gatherings?" Narcissa placed a hand on her pale, slender neck, her expression one of mock surprise. "I'd have thought you'd relish the spotlight, you and your faithful little dog. Ministry darlings, aren't you, saving the day every minute."

"He's not a dog," Lily said, her face flushing again at the mention of James, who was probably making a fool of himself that very moment, thinking fondly of Lily all the while. It made her stomach flip uncomfortably. "And we're hardly darlings. There's not too much support for our side at the current time, as I'm sure you're well aware."

It was the very reason they'd come, she and James, an attempt to garner more attention to their cause. Dumbledore had asked them to attend the function as members of the Order, spreading the word of the resistance to those deemed worthy. It was difficult to concentrate on such a task, though, with Narcissa standing before her, with her sly smile and her exquisitely low-cut gown. Lily found she couldn't remember a single person she was supposed to be talking to; her thoughts were full of the woman before her.

"How unfortunate," said Narcissa, pouting playfully as she casually reached out and brushed a lock of stray hair out of Lily's eyes. The contact made Lily's stomach clench especially painfully, as a rush of heat shot to her nether region. "One would almost think they want the Dark Lord to prevail."

Lily narrowed her eyes as she studied Narcissa's expression, trying uselessly to read her tone under all the pretense. Narcissa was a Black and a Slytherin above all; she knew how to hide her true intentions. "Why are you talking to me, anyway?" Lily demanded, striving for a false bravado of her own, though her hands shook. "I know what sort you are. You're probably already one of His followers."

Narcissa frowned and touched Lily's arm. "Can't I say hello to an old friend? Come, let's not speak of politics, darling. I am sorry to have brought it up. Let me get you another drink; you seem to have run low."

Lily looked down at her glass, which was nearly empty, and back up to Narcissa in disbelief. "Old friend? We were never friends, Narcissa."

"Nonsense," Narcissa replied, and Lily somehow found herself following her, walking dutifully beside her as Narcissa approached a server for more drinks. "I've always adored you, Lily; you know that." Narcissa picked a drink up off a plate and handed it to Lily, her fingers lingering on Lily's wrist. "Such a beautiful little thing, you are." 

Lily took the fresh glass and gulped down whatever was inside, struggling to catch her breath. "You want something from me," she said, the words coming out as molasses, slow and sluggish. Her very thoughts seemed to have slowed to a crawl; all she really knew was the feel of Narcissa's soft, gloved hand upon her arm.

Narcissa laughed as she took Lily's empty glass and set it aside, her eyes sparkling like jewels in the lights of the hall. "Well, you are right," she said, shaking her head, an act of embarrassment at having been found out. She leaned in close, her breath hot in Lily's ear. "I want to be alone with you."

*****

Narcissa was a tidal wave, a shocking mix of steeled cold and flushed heat, a force of nature pouring itself over Lily's fire, extinguishing the ferocity of her flame, the power of her dominance. Narcissa's kisses drowned Lily, filled her with litre upon litre of scalding water, flushing away her mind and thoughts, her very self. Lily was a lost fish, thrashing about in the waves, struggling to find its way home.

Narcissa made a soft noise of pleasure as she drew back, her eyelids lowered as she smirked at Lily in the shadows. They'd found themselves in a forgotten corridor, the sounds of the party distant in the background, in the hall beyond. "You're as lovely as ever, Lily, dear," Narcissa said, purring like a contented cat, stroking Lily's hair with her delicate, silky gloved fingers.

Lily could do nothing but stare, her eyes roaming over Narcissa. The kiss had awakened her, stirred some deep something that had lain dormant since her years at Hogwarts, when she had often caught herself staring at Narcissa from afar. She'd always been able to hide from it before, to focus on her love for James and all the normalcy that came with it. She'd always been able to hide behind her own fire, her own power over others. But Narcissa had put out the fire, and Lily could see her clearly now, could see what it was that had happened. Lily had always been drawn to Narcissa, for whatever reason, drawn to her cold ferocity, so different from Lily's own warmth. She had always harbored that secret longing, and she stared at Narcissa now with the force of that longing, her eyes clinging to every inch of Narcissa's flawless skin.

"You are lovely," Lily said finally, her voice soft and rasping, her breath coming in surprised, tired gasps. She swallowed hard and clung to Narcissa's hips, one hand sliding up the smooth back of Narcissa's blue gown, her fingers longing to touch the perfection of Narcissa's pale skin, which lay only a few small centimetres away.

Narcissa looked away from her then, her arms pinning Lily to the wall in the dim light, her body pressed sensuously against Lily's. "Well, of course I am, darling," she said casually, her voice cold and her eyes closed. "I am a Black sister, after all. We pride ourselves on our beauty." She looked cruelly at Lily then, arrogance in her eyes. "We know how to catch the appropriate eye."

Lily frowned slightly, feeling dazed and out of sorts. "I don't know what to say," she confessed, feeling as stupid as ever, the way Narcissa always made her feel, multiplied by the rush of the kiss and the realization of how intense Lily's need for Narcissa actually was.

"I'd say that you need to be going, don't you, dear?" Narcissa pulled away slowly, leaving Lily feeling cold and useless, slumped against the hard stone wall with her eyes still clinging to Narcissa. "I'd say you have some Ministry officials you ought to be conversing with," Narcissa continued, looking stern, her eyes narrowed. "Turning them to the Light, perhaps?" The side of her mouth twitched with scorn.

Lily blinked rapidly, fighting the shock of tears as she steadied herself, as she dragged herself back to the semblance of reality. "Yes," she said weakly. "I suppose I should."

"Then I'd say you ought to hurry," said Narcissa, carefully brushing her hands down her dress, straightening it. She reached out and tugged at Lily's clothes, pulling the fabric over Lily's small, freckled breasts, which had been pulled out and touched by Narcissa just a moment before, caressed with such intimate softness that Lily had nearly died with ecstasy. James had never touched her so tenderly, and the memory of it stung now, as Narcissa fixed Lily's dress so casually, as though she had not been the one to disturb it. "The ball will be ending soon, I think, and you have much to do."

"Yes," Lily said again, as she finally tore her eyes from Narcissa, as she looked towards the hall filled with people, so close and yet so far away from where she stood now, feeling as cold and pathetic as a drowned rabbit, as a washed out campfire with nothing but charred ashes left behind. 

"Oh, don't worry," Narcissa said, with a terrible mock sadness, brushing Lily's shoulder as she moved to leave. "We shall meet again, my dear Lily. Under what circumstances I cannot say, but we will meet again." She flashed Lily a devastating smile before she disappeared into the lights, into the crowd of ball-goers, important people to be used just as she had used Lily.

And Lily stumbled after her, stumbled back into her former life, back to her James and her Order, back to pretending that she still held the same fire, and that she still absolutely hated Narcissa Black.

*****

"And where have you been, my Narcissa?" Lucius Malfoy placed a possessive hand upon Narcissa's shoulder, pulling her in against his side as he smiled at the men around them, their comrades.

Narcissa slipped an arm around her betrothed as she placed a carefully constructed smile on her face, a smile of obedience and Pureblood nobility. "Merely working the crowd, Lucius," she said, nodding deferentially to those around her, each of them hiding the same marking on their arm. She herself may have been unmarked, but she was as much one of them as Lucius, her master and future husband. "You know how useful I am at that." She allowed her smile to broaden slightly. "I can make anyone love me."

Lucius laughed, and tightened his hold on her. "And useful it will be, to turn the proper officials to our cause," he said. "For who can resist your charms, my Narcissa?"

"Not a one," Narcissa replied, grinning outright now, for Lucius had no idea just who, or how, she had been charming. She cast a quick glance over her shoulder, just enough to see a flash of red hair, a stunning redhead slowly making her way across the room towards her pathetic companions, the bumbling male fools she'd aligned herself with. Narcissa felt a sudden flash of anger that Lily should have chosen such a group to belong to, that she should have been attached to such a waste of a man. But such a thought went against all of Narcissa's own rules and attachments, for Evans was a Mudblood and a member of the Light, those who were foolish enough to fight the Dark Lord. And Narcissa Black, soon to be Narcissa Malfoy, was certainly not going to break all the rules for nothing more than an unwanted attraction, and so she turned her face back towards Lucius, towards the Dark.

She tried not to think about the heat and the light of Lily's fire, the passion of the flames licking up her body as they had kissed in the dark.


End file.
